One Commandment to Rule Them All

I attend a Deaf branch (congregation) where I live. I do so to support my wife, who is an ASL interpreter by profession, and is therefore heavily involved in the Deaf community.

I'm not good at learning new languages, but I'm trying really hard to pick up some ASL. Last Sunday, I was asked to bear my testimony during Sacrament Meeting. Due to my lack of ASL knowledge, I came up with something simple that I hoped my wife could easily teach me to sign. A direct translation of the testimony I gave went something like this:

Hello. Name Stu.
 I'm thankful for all of you. I feel welcome here.
 I thinking scripture Christ says, "If you charity, I am pleased."
 Charity same love. I believe love greatest commandment. I love more, I happy more.

As you can see, I have a lot more learning to do when it comes to ASL. But I think I got the basic concept across. I truly believe that the commandment to love one another is our most important commandment.

I remember years ago giving a lesson in Sunday School, and discussing how Jewish Rabbis had counted up the number of commandments in the Old Testament. I don't remember the number, but it was a lot. This is why Orthodox Judaism is not for the faint of heart.

How is it possible to keep up with every last commandment? With hundreds of commandments we are expected to follow, it's easy to believe that it's pretty much impossible to get into and stay in God's good graces.

But here's the thing: there is actually only one commandment. To love one another is not just the greatest commandment, but the only one we need to be concerned about. Have love, show love, be love, and you will always be doing work that is pleasing to God.

1 Corinthians 13:13

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

2 Nephi 26:30

…all men should have charity, which charity is love.

Moroni 7:47

…and whoso is found possessed of [charity] at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Okay, so there's a bunch of verses telling us to be charitable, and even one that supports my idea that charity (love) is our greatest commandment. But how do I get the crazy idea that loving one another is the sole commandment? Basically it's that if you have "the pure love of Christ," then all other commandments will be followed in the course of acting out of love. Kind of like if you follow only the first gun-safety rule of "Treat every firearm as if it's loaded," the other rules are automatically followed.

Peter 4:8

And above all things, have charity ... for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

And there you have it. God's immense and incomprehensible complexity summed up in a single word: love.

That is all God asks of us, to love one another. If we do that, everything else is covered. And I suspect many people will be surprised in the next life to see how many atheists inherit the Kingdom of God and how many Christians do not.

How Do You Choose To Feel?

The greatest revelation any of us can receive is the understanding that we have free will. That doesn't just mean that I can decide for myself whether I'm going to run or walk, to eat or drink, to stand or sit. It also means I can decide whether I'm going to be happy or sad, joyful or angry, grateful or grim, affable or miserable.

Once you realize this, tell me why anyone would choose to be anything other than happy and joyful and grateful and affable? Give me one good reason to choose to not be happy. Just one.

The only valid reason to be anything other than happy is because it's what you want. Now why would anyone want to be miserable? Why give power to your misery? Give power to happiness instead. CHOOSE to be happy, and you can be.

Anyone who has tried to be happy when stuck in the middle of sadness knows that it's not always easy. But blaming your sadness and misery on others is cowardice. It's easier to say, "I have no control," than it is to accept responsibility for how you feel. But accepting that responsibility is the only way you can ever be happy.

I've been called a lot of nasty things. I used to let it get me angry. I used to think, "Why are people so mean?" Then I realized people are that way because they CHOOSE to be and there is NOTHING I can do about that. To even try is to attempt to gain control of others which, free will being a God-given gift that cannot be taken away, is impossible.

I used to think, "Why do others do things that make me sad/angry/miserable?" Then I realized other people have nothing to do with how I feel. Nobody can "make" me feel sad or angry. No one except for me.

I'm also the only one who can make me happy. So I choose to be happy. It's not always easy, especially when someone tells you what a terrible person you are, or calls you names, or someone you truly love yells obscenities at you -- all things I have been victim of, but am also guilty of committing.

But I do try to always do my best to make the choice to reject negative feelings and choose, instead, happiness. It is hard sometimes, but so worth it.

I used to have a saying: Life sucks, and then you die. I'm in the suck part.

This mortal life may suck, and we may be stuck in it, but that's no reason not to face it with a smile on your face and to be glad for the experience.

Why Are You Miserable?

What I am about to say, many people will not like. It may cause several to become upset, others may even seek to attack me. But it's something that must be said, must be understood by those who find difficulty in discovering happiness and self satisfaction.

Modern social media (Facebook and Twitter in particular) have resulted in my seeing more of the world as it is by giving me a peek into the minds of those who participate in social media. And what I see is a lot of people being miserable. A lot of them blame the people around them. Others blame their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. Some even blame God. Here is an actual example that I recently witnessed:

I'm too mentally broken down and why would [I] trust in god again? I put my trust in him, the tiny amount I did have and he laughs in my face. :( so hurt.

Now, that person is in a tough spot. The home they are renting is being foreclosed on and the landlord spent the security deposit, so they have no way to get that back. On top of that, they must move out in three weeks, and are short on funds.

To that, I can only say that you have no control over what the landlord has done. But that is not God's fault. It is the fault of some one or some thing that you have no control over.

My family was recently in a tough spot as well. I lost my house to foreclosure because I had lost my job. We had no money. Then my wife was offered an awesome job in a town 250 miles away. We needed to move to take that job, but didn't have the money to move, much less make a security deposit plus first month's rent.

On top of that, my auto lender called me up just a week prior to my wife's start date at her new job and threatened to repossess our car. No, not start the process of repossession, but actually come and repossess it right then, within 24 hours. Our only car, without which I wouldn't be able to move my family, which would lead to my wife not being able to take the job. Also, we still hadn't found a new place to live. Believe me, stress levels were very high.

Sure, we could have whined and griped about it. But instead we got to work and did what had to be done to make it happen. It cost us $3,000 total to make the move. We some how raised the money by selling everything we could. We then rented the cheapest moving van we could and crammed as much of our stuff into it as possible, then just left everything else behind. A lot of what we left behind ended up getting stolen. But here we are, happy and grateful despite the stresses of what led us here.

Now here's the thing. Why is the person who's upset with her landlord -- and God -- so miserable about things? It's because she chooses to be miserable. Let me expound upon that statement.

Keep in mind that, while this is my philosophy, I learned it from ancient Greek philosophers. Man has known for thousands of years that happiness is a choice. And that choice is a little more complex than simply saying, "I choose to be happy!" and then, magically, you are happy.

The truth is that, in many cases (though I'll agree that it's not all cases), misery is the result of being self centered. Yes, I know. You want to punch me for saying that. Again, this is something taught by ancient Greek philosophers. I just happen to agree with it. As do many modern philosophers.

Happiness comes from loving and caring about the needs of others. Love for one's self comes from loving and caring about the needs of others. You cannot love yourself or be happy with your circumstances so long as your own needs outweigh the needs of others.

Here is a quote from the book The Anatomy of Peace, written by the well-known philosopher Dr. C. Terry Warner:

The more I become consumed by how my own needs aren't being met, the larger those needs seem, until I numb myself to the needs of others.

From this we can say that being self centered not only brings misery upon you, but it exacerbates it.

Despite being told this for many years by very wise people, I never truly believed it. But I've come to believe it due to certain experiences in my life that drove me to serious misery and depression. And, most importantly, by being truly -- and I mean TRULY -- honest with myself.

I discovered that what I thought I needed wasn't what I really needed, but rather what I wanted. By focusing on what I wanted (believing it was what I needed), I became increasingly self centered. What I actually needed was to love and care about others. And by so doing, I would receive contentment and have my needs fulfilled.

Are you being honest with yourself? Are you allowing your WANTS to outweigh the NEEDS of others? Are you so absorbed in what you think you need that you are willing to blame other people, and even God himself, because you aren't getting what you want?

In the above story, yes the person is losing both their security deposit and a place to live. But the landlord is also losing his/her house as well as a source of income. These two things were probably brought about by additional issues that led up to the loss of the house and, subsequently, the income it provided.

Yes, it's quite possible that the landlord is being self centered as well. But that is not something to be concerned with because it would simply lead back to your own self centeredness. You cannot control whether the landlord chooses to be self centered or not. But you can control whether you are or not.

But what would happen if the renter sought to understand the needs of the landlord, stopped having negative feelings towards him or her (and God), and helped him or her deal with those needs? I can't say. But I can say there's a very good chance that the renter's misery would subside significantly.

My Stance On Free Will And How It Relates to Gay Marriage

As a Mormon and an American, two ideologies that I believe strongly in are free will and individual liberty.

That means that I can have whatever religious belief I want. It also means that anyone else can marry whoever they want, even if it is against my personal belief, so long as it doesn't interfere with my individual liberty -- i.e. I'm not being forced to marry outside of my beliefs or wants or *ahem* being forced to buy health insurance.

As a person of faith, I believe that God put us on this Earth with the gift of free will. Now why try to take away from others that one thing which God gave equally to all?

As a Mormon, I believe in the doctrine that the Constitution is inspired of God. As an American, I believe in individual liberty, which is what this country's Founding Father's strived to provide us with and what we all should be working to preserve.

I believe that to use one's Christian faith to claim a right to take away another's free will is hypocritical at best.  I also believe that to live in America and claim one's own individual belief as an argument to take away another's individual liberty is counter to the primary founding principle of this nation!

How Will I Be Judged?

I've come to firmly believe that how we are judged in the next life will have little to do with whether we call God Allah, Elohim, Jehovah, Christ, Zeus, Odin, Brahma, Ahsonnutli, L. Ron Hubbard, or believe in no god(s) at all; little to do with how many animals we've sacrificed; little to do with how many baptisms we've performed; little to do with how many idols we've built; little to do with how many funerals we've picketed; little to do with how many people we've beheaded as heretics; and much to do with the effort we've put into loving others.

I've come to this conclusion through open and respectful exchanges of ideas and beliefs with people from a variety of theologies and backgrounds. Talking with, and being accepting of, those whose belief systems are different than yours is only harmful if you choose to make it so.

Loving those with belief systems different than yours is helpful if you choose to make it so.

So how will we be judged? I believe it is our love of others that we will be most strongly judged by. Not just our love for our spouse(s), our children, our parents, our siblings, our aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, minister, pastor, bishop, or others within our own congregation. But our love for ALL of mankind.

Heeding The Lord's Messengers When They Come

It was Sunday, December 19. I almost didn't go to church that day because my wife had the car doing volunteer sign-language interpreting in SLC, and it was raining pretty hard. The walk to church was a half mile, and I wasn't sure I was willing to put myself and my kids through it.

But as I looked out the door into the rain, I made the decision that yes, we were going to go. So off we went. We arrived, soaking wet, but glad to have made it on time.

Sacrament meeting was a typical Christmas program. As my last day as the Sunday School President, I made my rounds during Sunday School, then waited for my wife to arrive so I could join her.

While waiting, a gentleman that I had seen for the three years I lived in the ward but had never talked to approached me. He was a US Marine and Vietnam veteran. He said to me, "I've been meaning to talk to you for about a year now." He progressed with questions about my paralyzed arm and made some recommendations on things I might be able to do to make things feel better -- being that I suffer regular phantom pain and what not.

But then, just when I thought I was going to escape from him, he launched into something else completely. I kept waiting for my wife to arrive and save me. Then I looked out the doorway and saw our car parked there. She had already arrived and must have walked right past me, yet we somehow missed each other.

This man, just old enough to be my father, whose sons I actually taught for a couple years in Sunday School, a man I had never spoken a word to before in my life, began talking to me as if he were very concerned about me, almost like a concerned father talks to a son he knows is thinking about doing something very foolish.

He spent an entire hour telling me stories of his past -- in the Marines, working for the Sheriff's office, and many other experiences. Every story, though, had the same moral that he would end each one with.

The first story he told me was of a ward member, Brother Q (names changed of course) that had offended him. He went in to see the Bishop one day and the Bishop said to him, "Now Brother K, I want you to go out there and apologize to Brother Q."

Brother K was floored! But, of course, he would do as the Bishop asked, albeit without the proper spirit, he would still be obedient.

"And one more thing," the Bishop continued, "I want you to pray for him."

That floored Brother K even more. But he obeyed the Bishop and prayed for Brother Q, although begrudgingly of course.

And with that, Brother K ended every single one of his stories to me with, "We must learn to forgive and pray for those who have offended us."

I thought I was getting the meaning of his message and promised myself I would take it to heart and start the process of trying to forgive those who had offended me. What I didn't realize was that Brother K was not talking of my past, but of my future.

How I wish I would have heeded Brother K's message the next morning. Because I didn't I have caused myself and, more importantly, those I love the most, so much unnecessary pain and suffering.

The Lord, because he loved me, sent me a message via His messenger Brother K. And I failed to hear it when it was most important.

Now, nearly two weeks and buckets of tears later, I'm finally beginning to understand Brother K's message. If only... if only I had listened to the Lord when he was speaking to me. If only I had listened.

But something I've learned recently -- finally, and hopefully not too late -- is that what's done is done. All we can do now is decide how we are going to react to it.

I realize now that those who I have taken offense to, I have only been offended because of my selfishness. If I had instead loved those around me the way that they deserved to be loved, then my life would be so much different. I'm crushed for having offended others and can only beg their forgiveness and give them the time that they need to heal from my offenses.

I now pray for my loved ones, to give them strength, peace, and patience with me.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in 17 years or so. During the last 17 years, he has encountered many... challenges. He has garnered a great deal of wisdom from them and I am forever grateful that he shared some of it with me.

The challenge I am currently dealing with has changed me for the better. I'm just so sorry that it had to come to this. It is so unfortunate that I am often so unwise that I can only gain wisdom through a nearly catastrophic circumstance that I can hardly bear.

I hope and pray that my new-found wisdom will help to carry me through this and make my relationships with the ones I love much stronger.

If you are reading this, please know that I love you. And know that I await a better day with you.

The Anti-Hate League Comes Out to Show Their Love

This was originally posted on my other blog, but was out of place there. So I moved it here.

So I’ve heard a few comments from people regarding all the hatred that has come forth against the Mormon Church… my church. While I wonder what the deal is — why all that hatred is being sent our way — I hear comments like, “Because the Mormon Church bribed Californians into voting for Prop. 8,” and similar comments.

Yes, the Church and many of its members took advantage of their First Amendment rights. Bribery? I hardly think so.

Being that I’m in Utah, I’ve been pretty insulated about what’s been going on in California. But then I came across this Mormon LAPD Officer’s comments. After seeing and reading that, I simply am so shocked that I can’t seem to come up with any sort of response. My first thought is how ludicrous it is.

But then I remember who we are. And I remember this Mormon scripture:

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

Satan is stirring up these people (and even some Mormons, me among them after seeing what is going on). And where is he directing all their anger? It tells me something that the devil hates my church so much.

And for any new members that are feeling a bit jittery, get used to it. We have a long history of being hated. It isn’t going to stop anytime soon.

Random Ramblings Regarding California’s Prop. 8, the Mormon Church, and Tolerance

This was originally posted on my other blog, but was out of place there. So I moved it here.

Okay, you’ll have forgive my random direction changes. These ramblings may seem like they are going nowhere fast for awhile. Let me start out by saying that I am Mormon, live in Utah, and think it’s ludicrously hypocritical the hatred that is being spewed forth against my church. But I guess if there’s one thing religion excels at, it’s bringing out the hypocrites on both sides. Anti-Mormon sentiment, resulting from the backlash of Prop. 8’s passing, has spilled over to Utah, with some people threatening and encouraging a boycott of all things Utah.

Why? Because less than one percent of the people that voted for prop. 8 were Mormon. Weird I tell ya.



Kieth Olberman Wonders Why Anybody Voted for California’s Prop. 8

Olberman is a nut case (and by “nut case” I mean to say that his views are often drastically different than mine). I really cannot stand to listen to him, so it’s quite by luck that I even saw his comments on gay marriage. But, as a conservative (albeit a generally moderate one), there are a ton of people that stand on the same side as I do that really need to give this whole idea a lot more thought.

I’m one of a tiny percentage of people in Utah that voted against a proposition that amended the State Constitution to ban gay marriage. The proposition was two parts. The first was simple. Amend the constitution to define marriage as being between a man and a woman (thus prevent same-sex individuals from marrying or having their marriage recognized). The second part went on to take away people’s rights as citizens of this great nation simply because they are gay.

Last time I checked, this was SUPPOSED to be a free country, so I voted against the proposition.

Now that you know where I stand, let’s go to the other side. My church (the Mormon Church) came out for California’s prop. 8. Why? That’s a question Olberman poses to everybody who voted for prop. 8.

I personally am sympathetic toward gays in general (at least I feel like I am). I have known several, I have worked with several. They have been oppressed for a very long time, and I think it’s wrong to do so. Gay or straight, you should still have the same rights as any other citizen of this nation. That I am in agreement with. But to counter Olberman…

Marriage is a symbolic ceremony that from the beginning had always been meant to join man and woman. I am fine with that. Give gays something that symbolizes their commitment to each other as man and man (as much as the thought of dudes being together makes me shudder) and woman and woman (which is great because that totally turns me on — yeah, I’m a typical guy). Civil Unions? Sure, whatever. I don’t care what you call it.

Marriage? I’d rather not call it that. Why?

The Mormon Church has a history of being forced to change their doctrine — what, you thought freedom of religion was a founding principle of this great nation? Think again! — by the Federal Government. A long fight was had over plural marriage. The government threatened to seize all of the Church’s property if they didn’t end it. Nevermind that plural marriage has been practiced for millenia in pretty much every part of the world. Oh yeah, and that thing in the constitution that guarantees freedom of religion.

Now, the Mormon Church does not recognize gay marriage, considers gay sex to be a sin, and doesn’t allow “practicing” gays to enter our temples. You can be gay in our church. But you are expected to hold to the same standards as straight people. In other words, no sexual activity unless you are legally married. Starting to see a problem? That’s a tiny problem compared to what the church is probably really afraid of.

Sure, some gays are born that way. We recognize this in the church (though don’t word it quite so). Every person is born with weaknesses that they must overcome in life. Some people are born with the “weakness” of being attracted to the same sex. I’m glad I’m not one of them. All you gay-hating straights out there, imagine that tomorrow you woke up and heterosexuality were the big sin and homosexuality were the accepted norm. Think you can just turn it off and start sleeping with the same sex just to satisfy society and your church? The drive of gays to have sex isn’t any weaker than the drive for straights to have sex. Imagine living in a world where you are never allowed to show your love for another person in an intimate manner.

But back to the point… If the Federal Government recognizes gay marriage, what is to stop them from yet again flexing their muscles and trying to force my church to allow gays to marry in our sacred temples? What’s to stop them from preventing my church from practicing its beliefs and withholding religious rights and privileges from gay members, even excommunicating them in extreme circumstances?

What? The American Constitution that guarantees freedom of religion? Oh yeah, because it worked so well before, didn’t it?

A lot of people have said that the Mormon Church’s support of prop. 8 crosses the line between church and state. I say, “How?” Does a church organization not have a right to do what it believes to be right? The church did not force anybody to vote for prop. 8. They did not put Mormons in positions of government power and pull their strings, telling them how to run the state or country. That is not only against the law, but very much against church policy as well. Otherwise Harry Reid would have a very different stance.

Here’s more on that.

So us Mormons and the Church itself are just a bunch of hate mongers? I’m hearing that a lot. Many people say we are hateful then turn right around and spew hatred against my church and its members. If the Church itself is a gay-hating organization, then what the heck is this all about?

Some Mormons “hate” gays. Yes, I’ll admit that. That doesn’t mean it’s the Church’s policy or doctrine.

The government, on the other hand, has arrested many Mormons for practicing their religion, seized church property, threatened legal action as recently as the 1970’s, and the church has even had to put up with harassment, lawsuits, and threats of lawsuits from many organizations. Why? All because some people don’t like what we believe to be true.

Is it paranoia that the government will force the Mormon Church to recognize gay marriages and allow them into our temples? If every day you got punched in the gut by the same person in school would it be paranoia to ask your friends to help you do something about it knowing that the school has failed to act in the past?

I'm No longer a "Thinking Mormon"

...and I guess I haven't been for awhile now. To better understand where I'm coming from, I guess I should explain what I mean by "thinking" Mormon.

Essentially, it is a Mormon who thinks about Mormonism on a logical, rather than on an emotional or spiritual level.

For example, "Why did Joseph Smith marry such young girls?" or "Why was the priesthood withheld from blacks?"

While the answer might be, "Because God said so," the question then becomes, "Why would God say so?"

For me, it used to be enjoyable to theorize about such things. But I find that as I age, my testimony grows naturally. And believe me, it's not because I'm accepting heavy callings, going to the temple a lot, or attending church all the time. In fact, I haven't been to Elder's Quorum in several months, I skip church altogether regularly simply because I'm not in the mood to go, and I've been to the temple once (two years ago) in about the last 4 or 5 years.

Ever since my conversion (the point at which I received a visitation from the Holy Ghost and gained a real testimony... a "true" knowledge), which happened when I was about 23 years old, my testimony has just grown on its own. Because I put virtually no effort into it, that growth has been quite slow. But it's definitely there nonetheless.

As my testimony grew and grew, I found myself more and more not caring about why things are the way they are. It is becoming enough for me to say, "God said so, and that's what really matters." Antis (anti-Mormons) will tell me that I'm being brainwashed. I find that hard to believe.

I've been through military brainwash sessions, and I have a pretty good idea of when someone or something is attempting to brainwash me. Furthermore, one has to be present for the brainwashing to be fully effective. Since I attend church less now than I did as a teenager (when my mind was far more susceptible to suggestion), I don't buy the anti argument that I'm being brainwashed.

I went to a MySpace.com discussion group about Mormonism. I hadn't been there in a while and I thought I'd pop in and make a comment just to let people know that I'm still around. But as I began reading other comments, looking for a place where I could contribute, I began to realize that I hardly cared anymore.

There were many arguments being made that, at one time, would have held a great interest for me. I would have enjoyed jawing with them about theories, whys, what-hows and so on.

But I started seeing many of the posts become meaningless to me. I didn't care that other people had these huge arguments "proving" or "disproving" points of Mormonism. Other arguments just started to seem plain silly to me. To me, for the first time, it was beginning to be enough that "God said so." So I resigned from all my Mormon discussion groups.

The natural curiosity about how the universe works and why God does some of the things he does shall remain. But a large portion of things that, in the end, don't really matter will have little place in my life anymore.

Rather, since the Holy Ghost is a much smarter character than I, I'll look to him for wisdom and guidance.